Family, Love & Gratitude · Relationships & Character
Relationships & Character · Family, Love & Gratitude
14 reflections
《A Man’s Breadth of Mind and Principles》 How can breadth of mind and responsibility stand together with backbone and principles?
A man should have commanding spirit, the ambition to embrace mountains and rivers: the world in my heart, the earth beneath my feet.
A man should have a Buddha’s heart, a heart that delivers all beings, seeing help for others as life’s greatest achievement.
A man should have breadth of mind, seeing every hardship in life as a prerequisite for success.
A man should have backbone: between heaven and earth, only the right path enables him to stand unshaken.
A man should have principles: only by clearly distinguishing black from white can he earn the reverence of all beings.
《Being a Woman》 How can learning and growth become a force that nourishes family and society?
First-rate women discuss ideas,
Second-rate women discuss household matters,
Third-rate women discuss gossip.
First-rate wives understand spiritual guidance,
Second-rate wives help get things done,
Third-rate wives stir up trouble.
Women’s learning and growth determine a nation’s qualities; women’s qualities influence society’s development!
《For You》 When circumstances are difficult, how am I willing to express protection and loyalty?
Even amid war’s chaos, with people and horses exhausted, I hold my sword to protect your “vast realm.”
Even amid blanket snow, with heaven collapsing and earth splitting, I hold my sword to defend your “devotion until death.”
Even with ammunition and provisions exhausted, disregarding life and death, I hold my sword, loyal to your “rule over all under heaven.”
Even in the deepest underworld, among Ox-Head and Horse-Face, I hold my sword and obey your command to “slay them all.”
《Fearless》 When the heart is devoted, how does one view life, death, and parting?
Those whose hearts are devoted
Fear not life
Fear not death
Fear not parting
All things in the world
Undying through love
Are thereby everlasting
《Love》 Rather than waiting to be loved, am I willing to give actively and help those around me succeed?
“Love”!
It is not pity, not giving, still less something that ends in a single act, but guidance along a path of light!
Without making dreams, giving dreams, or promising, you will not hurt others;
Without expectations, fantasies, or dependence, you will not be hurt by others.
Pursuing being loved leads to loneliness,
Loving with all your strength leads to abundance.
It is not about having someone who loves you, but being a person who has love.
Life’s greatest happiness is simply “falling in love with someone and becoming fascinated by something.”
Always keep a pure heart. Loving someone is happier than being loved!
Endurance without love is “resentment,” hurting others and yourself; endurance with love is “compassion,” delivering others and yourself; what has nothing to do with me calls for “stepping aside,” with no need to endure. Non-involvement gives rise to insight, unsurpassed wisdom.
Many masters say, “To do great things, find a group of people who love you.” This is complete nonsense!
First, you cannot find them,
Second, if you do, you become useless.
The real secret is finding people whose dreams you are willing to help realize and for whom you are willing to give—in other words, working with people you love.
Because you love them, you appreciate them;
Because you love them, you accept them;
Because you love them, their flaws are strengths;
Because you love them, mistakes are growth;
Because you love them, the great undertaking is all for them;
Because you love them, whatever you do feels good;
Because you love them, you are happy;
Because you love them, you get along;
Because you love them, happiness keeps them close;
Because you love them, encouragement helps them grow quickly;
Because you love them, in time they love you;
Those who would accomplish great things, find a group of people you love!
What is Valentine’s Day?
Celebrating with a lover, sharing romance with a lover…
These are all appearances.
The underlying core is gratitude to those who give affection. It is not about having a lover, but being a person with love.
《Gratitude》 In care I take for granted, what have I discovered to be grateful for?
The word heard most often in society lately is “gratitude.”
Many talk about gratitude without understanding the word.
Why does gratitude keep floating in the air, unusable in everyday life?
Why does it never land or connect with life?
All this talk of ten great kindnesses or eight great kindnesses concerns appearances. People have put their focus in the wrong place: the core of gratitude is not the “kindness” but the “awareness.”
“Kindness” is love’s “manifestation”
“Awareness” is love’s “discovery”
Without discovery, how can there be manifestation?
In other words, only discovery lets you recognize kindness; only recognizing kindness makes it present; only with kindness present do you seek to repay it!
Gratitude is the “discovery” and “manifestation” of love
1. What is awareness?
Discovering and sensing the presence of love.
Whom do we discover and sense?
Familiar people.
What are familiar people?
The “sun” you think is unnecessary because daytime is bright enough already.
The moon at night is easily noticed; the sun by day is easily overlooked. Sense the presence within apparent absence, and still more the presence within presence.
“Taken for granted” and “a blessing” differ in whether you have discovered it. Discovered, it is “a blessing”; undiscovered, it is “only to be expected.” My heart is everything; everything is my heart.
What should we sense?
Who protects us, gives birth to us, raises us, educates us, advances us, advises us, rescues us in an emergency, supports us, accompanies us, treats us as a sibling, and understands us.
2. What is kindness?
Manifesting, returning, and passing on love
What does manifesting and returning mean?
Returning means receiving love, giving love, and passing love on.
Work hard to give in everyday life, bringing love back into circulation.
The core of this return is not giving back to the source, but giving back to all beings.
Doing gratitude is better than talking about it; everything shows itself in actual deeds.
The three great kindnesses one must repay in life
The kindness of giving birth
Ten months carrying a child depletes the marrow; after death, the cremated bones are black.
The kindness of raising a child
“I’m not hungry,” “I don’t like eating that,” “I don’t need it,” “I’m not cold,” “I’m not tired”…
Hearts worn out, faces aged—who benefits from their scrimping and saving?
Without resentment or regret, beset by illness and pain—for whom do they toil?
The kindness of education
Without thought, a sack of flesh;
With thought, flowers bloom!
Birth and upbringing take more than ten years; education bestows kindness on generations.
The kindness of upbringing exceeds the kindness of giving birth
The kindness of education exceeds the kindness of upbringing
What is the underlying core?
The core lies not in manifestation and return, but in discovery and awareness;
The core lies not in an unfamiliar world, but in the familiar world;
The core lies not in repaying the source, but in passing kindness on to all beings;
The core lies not in talking about gratitude, but in practicing it.
《Kindness》 How can the kindness I have received be passed on through action?
What is kindness?
Manifesting, returning, and passing on love. What does manifesting and returning mean?
Returning means receiving love, giving love, and passing love on. Work hard to give in everyday life, bringing love back into circulation.
The core of this return is not giving back to the source, but giving back to all beings.
Doing gratitude is better than talking about it; everything shows itself in actual deeds. The three great kindnesses one must repay in life
The kindness of giving birth
Ten months carrying a child depletes the marrow; after death, the cremated bones are black.
The kindness of raising a child
“I’m not hungry,” “I don’t like eating that,” “I don’t need it,” “I’m not cold,” “I’m not tired”… Hearts worn out, faces aged—who benefits from their scrimping and saving? Without resentment or regret, beset by illness and pain—for whom do they toil?
The kindness of education
Without thought, a sack of flesh; with thought, flowers bloom!
Birth and upbringing take more than ten years; education bestows kindness on generations. The kindness of upbringing exceeds the kindness of giving birth. The kindness of education exceeds the kindness of upbringing. What is the underlying core?
The core lies not in manifestation and return, but in discovery and awareness;
The core lies not in an unfamiliar world, but in the familiar world;
The core lies not in repaying the source, but in passing kindness on to all beings;
The core lies not in talking about gratitude, but in practicing it.
《Dearest Love》 Beyond attraction, how am I willing to choose fidelity and give thanks for companionship?
The flowers of early spring
The rain of high summer
The leaves of late autumn
The snow of deep winter
And you, in my heart
If affection is the sea
You are its lone island
So vast
Yet the only one
I know
Attraction is instinct
Fidelity can be chosen
Wind passes, sails stir
My heart remains
This is my
Truest answer to you
Thank you
For reveling in the world with me
For letting me dream freely in the night
I pray
May your worldly life be unblemished
May your sweet dreams be peaceful
Today
Let me declare my love to you
Happy Valentine’s Day!
《Going Further Need Not Mean Looking Down on Family》 As life experience diverges, how can I maintain respect for family?
Leaving our original surroundings and encountering more people and things can make differences with family increasingly apparent. Conversation no longer connects, habits differ, and money and work mean different things. These differences are real, but need not turn family into the flaws of our past.
Parents have familiar ways of living. Having seen better environments and finding some arrangement more respectable does not mean what they like should be hidden. If every meeting is spent correcting and repackaging them, they may feel fit to appear only when remade to their child’s satisfaction.
Respect does not mean leaving everything unchanged. Needed changes can be discussed concretely; safety, convenience, and shared arrangements are negotiable. But judging whether something suits the situation and whether a person is presentable should be separate. The former is discussable; the latter easily turns difference into shame.
My family and I can inhabit different worlds without denying our relationship. After going further, we still need to learn how to explain our life and understand theirs. If experience adds only superiority, not understanding, it instead pushes the nearest people away.
《Separate a Family’s Different Problems》 Should conflicts in different family relationships be combined into one conclusion?
When conflict occurs at home, one sentence easily sums it up: that is just the kind of person they are. Marital problems, parent-child problems, past kindness, and current dissatisfaction then mix together. One matter needing discussion becomes whether this person deserves understanding at all.
The same person can do wrong in one relationship and have taken responsibility in another. The latter cannot erase the former; the former need not automatically explain every action. Separating matters clarifies what needs identifying and handling, rather than washing away anyone’s responsibility.
Children affected by family conflict may express pain and decide how far to participate. They need not reconcile everyone before qualifying to express feelings. Carrying the whole parental relationship often leaves their own life without a place.
Viewing relationships separately allows responsibilities to become clear. Discuss the specific wrong; explain the specific impact. Closeness does not prohibit criticism, and criticism need not negate the whole person. Keeping these separate prevents every argument from putting the entire family on trial again.
《Courtesy Means Less Guesswork for Others》 Does courtesy’s value lie in display or advance explanation?
When visiting family or someone’s home, advance notice seems small: when we will arrive, how long we will stay, and roughly what is planned. Without it, others must prepare at the last minute and guess what the meeting means.
To me, courtesy first means including others in arrangements. It is neither appearing whenever convenient for ourselves nor making meetings grander to demonstrate importance. Others have their own time, habits, and expectations; advance explanation gives them a chance to prepare and express views.
Courtesy cannot replace everyday relations. A well-arranged meeting does not permit later neglect; little display does not mean disrespect. What matters is respecting actual conditions, fulfilling clarified arrangements, and promptly communicating changes.
Forms can be simple; meaning needs clarity. A well-arranged meeting reduces not all misunderstandings, but avoidable guesswork. Relationships need not always be maintained through money; sometimes one extra explanation means others need not clean up our situation at the last minute.
《Do Not Prescribe the Weight of Another’s Grief》 If I think something can be let go, can I demand the same of others?
After the same loss, some resume life quickly while others remember it much later. Observers easily judge by their own experience: so much time has passed, why still be sad? But they did not live the shared time, and the absence is not in their daily life.
Long companionship leaves many small habits. A place, a sound, waiting at a certain time each day: ordinary before, their constant presence becomes clear after loss. What the other person misses is not an abstract identity, but a relationship that truly existed in life.
We need not feel identically to understand their grief. We can listen or sit quietly for a while. Do not rush to compare a greater loss, or use personal equanimity to set their recovery time. An observer is not suited to ranking grief’s weight.
What I face calmly may not be calm for others. Respecting difference requires no identical feeling, only acknowledgment that everyone’s cherished relationships have their own place. Comfort sometimes needs no victory in reasoning, simply not brushing that companionship aside.
《Express Love through Action》 How can the love I express become actions the other person can feel?
Express love through companionship, sharing burdens, guidance, and keeping promises.
《Discover the Good Nearby and Pass Love On》 After discovering the good in those around me, how can I keep passing this love on?
Gratitude begins with discovering the good in those nearby, then passing love on through action.