Relationships & Character

Evil is in the flesh

Good intentions are in the soul

The heart and soul’s goodness cannot defeat the flesh’s evil

The two provoke each other

Only thinking and ideas that teach goodness are immortal

More experiences and participation

More transmission and sharing with the world

Though a hundred kalpas pass, deeds do not perish. When causes and conditions meet, one receives the karmic result oneself. Zengzi also said: “When a person loves goodness, though blessings have not arrived, calamity is already far away.”

“Heaven gives birth to all things through yang and completes them through yin. Birth is benevolence; completion is righteousness.” Goodness signifies benevolence; establishing signifies righteousness. Benevolence is essence, righteousness appearance. Begin with righteousness as the first stirring of intention, and return to benevolence as the guide to conduct. Cause and effect cycle, following the rule that without breaking there is no establishing, continually preserving, breaking, and establishing. Reach utmost emptiness, maintain profound stillness. All things arise together; I observe their return.

Life’s three immortalities are establishing virtue, achievement, and lasting words; to these I add ambition and action. Ambition is the starting point. Without it, setting out lacks righteousness and nothing can be accomplished. Without ambition comes no action, hence no virtue, achievement, or lasting words. Thus, at the level of my individual self, I aspire to become a planner, investing immense time and energy. Through experience in one business project after another, I bring upon myself every virtue a planner should possess, thereby establishing virtue. Through consulting, planning, and training that support business development, I establish achievement. Following universal values, I share all my consolidated experience and accumulation unreservedly with those who need it, continually producing content and spreading it through the internet, establishing lasting words. This entire process is ambition, action, virtue, achievement, and lasting words, summarized as “Begin by establishing.”

Benevolence is Heaven’s Way. Heaven creates all things: great goodness, kindness toward others, an altruistic heart, following the life values of revering heaven and loving people. One thought arises: myriad rivers and mountains, prosperity through countless ages; one thought ceases: seas become fields, loss through eternity. Good and evil differ by one thought. Good thoughts nourish a good heart, create good causes, enact good conditions, and produce good fruits. Initially, as a creed, use action to discipline nature and rules to govern the heart; ultimately rise to acting through goodness. The awakened awaken themselves, letting rules arise from the heart. This is summarized as “Return to goodness.”

“Begin by establishing, return to goodness”: eight Chinese characters for continual cultivation and contemplation within finite life. Practice lies in seeking, realization in knowing. Practice uses action to discipline nature; realization lets nature guide action. The awakened awaken themselves, letting rules arise from the heart; practitioners follow external discipline, using rules to govern the heart. Continually cultivate the individual self and realize the transcendent self, cycling repeatedly and improving the capacity for realization.

Brush away worldly splendor, illuminate the original heart: limpid purity, light filling the void.

This folder’s contents record insights arising from everyday matters, saved by category. Some came from exchanges and collisions of ideas with friends nearby, some from reflections summarized from books, and some from teachings by masters.

They concern the outside world, labels, genius, time, life goals, reality, regret, and so forth.

What is nobility?

Everyone will say playing the piano, playing ball, appreciating red wine, and so on.

These are actually all appearances.

True nobility lies in nobility of heart.

Nobility of heart means seeing helping others as the greatest joy.

The more a person helps, the nobler they are.

Ordinary people assess people by listening to statements; good and bad are entirely in others’ mouths!

Experts assess results: if the person were not good, how could results be good?

The very finest experts assess the true form: how many energetic companions stand behind them!

What does walking with wisdom mean?

Some say it means handling things smoothly, following the middle way.

These are appearances; the core behind them is “taking another’s perspective.”

First see yourself as someone else: this is “selflessness”;

Then see someone else as yourself: this is “compassion”;

Then see others as others: this is “wisdom”;

Finally see yourself as yourself: this is “ease.”

Do not worry about others’ judgments, but take good care of the feelings of those around you!

Experiencing deception is no more than this

Experiencing betrayal is no more than this

Experiencing infidelity is no more than this

Experiencing public judgment is no more than this

Only after suffering can we let go of suffering

Only after attachment can we let go of attachment

Only after concern can we be free of concern

Always keep a pure heart, striving to experience and mature in the mortal world;

Always keep a compassionate heart, striving among all beings to guide people’s growth;

Always keep a grateful heart, striving within heaven and earth to give back to living beings!

When we cherish someone, they must have moved us; when we give someone up, they must have disappointed us.

Only when down and out can we see clearly who pours cold water on us and who offers a heart full of concern. Those who accompany you cannot leave because warmth has created a mutual bond of loyalty; those who understand you do not leave because their care makes them irreplaceable.

Happy people are not actually those who obtained the best things in the world, but those who cherished the people already beside them.

Blossoming that lifts those nearby is blossoming; blossoming that cannot lift them is showing off;

Personal charm that benefits those nearby brings “brothers lifting you up,”

Personal charm that cannot benefit them brings “the brothers’ common enemy”!

Two good friends met Death.

Death said, “Only one of you can live. You

will play rock-paper-scissors; the loser dies.” In the end, one lost… The other held his dead friend and said, “Brother, we agreed both to play rock. Why, when I played scissors, did you play paper?”

However often you are hurt or shattered, always keep a pure heart. My love for you has nothing to do with whether you love me!

Abundance of body, mind, and soul needs no deliberate pursuit. Sincerely love those nearby well, and life is red flowers, green grass, and delighted conversation!

Human nature, beautiful or ugly, is reasonable.

Greed, anger, delusion, and the seven deadly sins all arise from desire. Desire exists objectively; what exists is reasonable.

Some things can be developed, others need restraint: this is being human.

What one believes should be developed or restrained constitutes one’s worldview, outlook on life, and values.

Until something happens, you do not know who is near or far.

Until you discern people, you do not know whose feelings are deep or shallow!

Until benefits run out, you do not know who stays or leaves.

Until you are poor, you do not know who is cold or warm!

Until you associate with people, you do not know who is good or bad

To see through human nature, consider the other person’s needs, pain points, and interests. Once understood, you can handle things with ease. Think matters through, say what needs saying, and get along well with people.

Seeing the strengths in every kind of person brings you to the level of leadership. The human heart has died, the Buddha’s heart arisen; penetrate human nature and command the whole;

Failing to see strengths in every kind of person brings you to the human level, controlled by external emotions and desires, entering entanglement, pain, and brokenness.

Transcend character judgments to penetrate human nature: no one under heaven cannot be employed;

Unable to transcend character judgments, you enter emotions: no one under heaven can be used by me.

Only seeing through the mortal world lets you bear all beings!

Do not lightly define someone’s character. There are no character problems, only understanding problems; no understanding problems, only communication problems. A person consists of one strength and a great pile of flaws. What you see is what they become.

When a boss defines character, they instantly enter the gate of death and cease growing

When a boss defines human nature, they instantly enter the realm of life and continually progress

Those who accomplish great undertakings encounter people who “betray” them along the way. You need not become entangled; simply draw lessons about human nature. Human nature has three needs

First, the need for money

Second, the need for a future

Third, the need for a spiritual world

1. Use distribution to meet people’s need for money

2. Use a great strategic vision and employee advancement to meet people’s need for a future. 3. Use a sense of the sacred to meet people’s need for a spiritual world

Standing in the same “position” makes you “one group”; without the same “position,” you are not “one group.” Those who accomplish great things must free themselves from “personal loyalty,” master “human nature,” grow a compassionate heart, and plead for all beings: if I do not shoulder this, who will? Wholeheartedly help subordinates succeed. However many betrayals, however many times you are shattered, keep this heart unchanged and carry on for twenty years, and you will surely accomplish a great undertaking under heaven.

Look at motives, actions, results, and long-term relationships together when assessing a person.

Understanding human nature means reducing misjudgment and building more suitable cooperation, not manipulating others.

A man should have commanding spirit, the ambition to embrace mountains and rivers: the world in my heart, the earth beneath my feet.

A man should have a Buddha’s heart, a heart that delivers all beings, seeing help for others as life’s greatest achievement.

A man should have breadth of mind, seeing every hardship in life as a prerequisite for success.

A man should have backbone: between heaven and earth, only the right path enables him to stand unshaken.

A man should have principles: only by clearly distinguishing black from white can he earn the reverence of all beings.

First-rate women discuss ideas,

Second-rate women discuss household matters,

Third-rate women discuss gossip.

First-rate wives understand spiritual guidance,

Second-rate wives help get things done,

Third-rate wives stir up trouble.

Women’s learning and growth determine a nation’s qualities; women’s qualities influence society’s development!

Even amid war’s chaos, with people and horses exhausted, I hold my sword to protect your “vast realm.”

Even amid blanket snow, with heaven collapsing and earth splitting, I hold my sword to defend your “devotion until death.”

Even with ammunition and provisions exhausted, disregarding life and death, I hold my sword, loyal to your “rule over all under heaven.”

Even in the deepest underworld, among Ox-Head and Horse-Face, I hold my sword and obey your command to “slay them all.”

Those whose hearts are devoted

Fear not life

Fear not death

Fear not parting

All things in the world

Undying through love

Are thereby everlasting

“Love”!

It is not pity, not giving, still less something that ends in a single act, but guidance along a path of light!

Without making dreams, giving dreams, or promising, you will not hurt others;

Without expectations, fantasies, or dependence, you will not be hurt by others.

Pursuing being loved leads to loneliness,

Loving with all your strength leads to abundance.

It is not about having someone who loves you, but being a person who has love.

Life’s greatest happiness is simply “falling in love with someone and becoming fascinated by something.”

Always keep a pure heart. Loving someone is happier than being loved!

Endurance without love is “resentment,” hurting others and yourself; endurance with love is “compassion,” delivering others and yourself; what has nothing to do with me calls for “stepping aside,” with no need to endure. Non-involvement gives rise to insight, unsurpassed wisdom.

Many masters say, “To do great things, find a group of people who love you.” This is complete nonsense!

First, you cannot find them,

Second, if you do, you become useless.

The real secret is finding people whose dreams you are willing to help realize and for whom you are willing to give—in other words, working with people you love.

Because you love them, you appreciate them;

Because you love them, you accept them;

Because you love them, their flaws are strengths;

Because you love them, mistakes are growth;

Because you love them, the great undertaking is all for them;

Because you love them, whatever you do feels good;

Because you love them, you are happy;

Because you love them, you get along;

Because you love them, happiness keeps them close;

Because you love them, encouragement helps them grow quickly;

Because you love them, in time they love you;

Those who would accomplish great things, find a group of people you love!

What is Valentine’s Day?

Celebrating with a lover, sharing romance with a lover…

These are all appearances.

The underlying core is gratitude to those who give affection. It is not about having a lover, but being a person with love.

The word heard most often in society lately is “gratitude.”

Many talk about gratitude without understanding the word.

Why does gratitude keep floating in the air, unusable in everyday life?

Why does it never land or connect with life?

All this talk of ten great kindnesses or eight great kindnesses concerns appearances. People have put their focus in the wrong place: the core of gratitude is not the “kindness” but the “awareness.”

“Kindness” is love’s “manifestation”

“Awareness” is love’s “discovery”

Without discovery, how can there be manifestation?

In other words, only discovery lets you recognize kindness; only recognizing kindness makes it present; only with kindness present do you seek to repay it!

Gratitude is the “discovery” and “manifestation” of love

1. What is awareness?

Discovering and sensing the presence of love.

Whom do we discover and sense?

Familiar people.

What are familiar people?

The “sun” you think is unnecessary because daytime is bright enough already.

The moon at night is easily noticed; the sun by day is easily overlooked. Sense the presence within apparent absence, and still more the presence within presence.

“Taken for granted” and “a blessing” differ in whether you have discovered it. Discovered, it is “a blessing”; undiscovered, it is “only to be expected.” My heart is everything; everything is my heart.

What should we sense?

Who protects us, gives birth to us, raises us, educates us, advances us, advises us, rescues us in an emergency, supports us, accompanies us, treats us as a sibling, and understands us.

2. What is kindness?

Manifesting, returning, and passing on love

What does manifesting and returning mean?

Returning means receiving love, giving love, and passing love on.

Work hard to give in everyday life, bringing love back into circulation.

The core of this return is not giving back to the source, but giving back to all beings.

Doing gratitude is better than talking about it; everything shows itself in actual deeds.

The three great kindnesses one must repay in life

The kindness of giving birth

Ten months carrying a child depletes the marrow; after death, the cremated bones are black.

The kindness of raising a child

“I’m not hungry,” “I don’t like eating that,” “I don’t need it,” “I’m not cold,” “I’m not tired”…

Hearts worn out, faces aged—who benefits from their scrimping and saving?

Without resentment or regret, beset by illness and pain—for whom do they toil?

The kindness of education

Without thought, a sack of flesh;

With thought, flowers bloom!

Birth and upbringing take more than ten years; education bestows kindness on generations.

The kindness of upbringing exceeds the kindness of giving birth

The kindness of education exceeds the kindness of upbringing

What is the underlying core?

The core lies not in manifestation and return, but in discovery and awareness;

The core lies not in an unfamiliar world, but in the familiar world;

The core lies not in repaying the source, but in passing kindness on to all beings;

The core lies not in talking about gratitude, but in practicing it.

What is kindness?

Manifesting, returning, and passing on love. What does manifesting and returning mean?

Returning means receiving love, giving love, and passing love on. Work hard to give in everyday life, bringing love back into circulation.

The core of this return is not giving back to the source, but giving back to all beings.

Doing gratitude is better than talking about it; everything shows itself in actual deeds. The three great kindnesses one must repay in life

The kindness of giving birth

Ten months carrying a child depletes the marrow; after death, the cremated bones are black.

The kindness of raising a child

“I’m not hungry,” “I don’t like eating that,” “I don’t need it,” “I’m not cold,” “I’m not tired”… Hearts worn out, faces aged—who benefits from their scrimping and saving? Without resentment or regret, beset by illness and pain—for whom do they toil?

The kindness of education

Without thought, a sack of flesh; with thought, flowers bloom!

Birth and upbringing take more than ten years; education bestows kindness on generations. The kindness of upbringing exceeds the kindness of giving birth. The kindness of education exceeds the kindness of upbringing. What is the underlying core?

The core lies not in manifestation and return, but in discovery and awareness;

The core lies not in an unfamiliar world, but in the familiar world;

The core lies not in repaying the source, but in passing kindness on to all beings;

The core lies not in talking about gratitude, but in practicing it.

The flowers of early spring

The rain of high summer

The leaves of late autumn

The snow of deep winter

And you, in my heart

If affection is the sea

You are its lone island

So vast

Yet the only one

I know

Attraction is instinct

Fidelity can be chosen

Wind passes, sails stir

My heart remains

This is my

Truest answer to you

Thank you

For reveling in the world with me

For letting me dream freely in the night

I pray

May your worldly life be unblemished

May your sweet dreams be peaceful

Today

Let me declare my love to you

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Leaving our original surroundings and encountering more people and things can make differences with family increasingly apparent. Conversation no longer connects, habits differ, and money and work mean different things. These differences are real, but need not turn family into the flaws of our past.

Parents have familiar ways of living. Having seen better environments and finding some arrangement more respectable does not mean what they like should be hidden. If every meeting is spent correcting and repackaging them, they may feel fit to appear only when remade to their child’s satisfaction.

Respect does not mean leaving everything unchanged. Needed changes can be discussed concretely; safety, convenience, and shared arrangements are negotiable. But judging whether something suits the situation and whether a person is presentable should be separate. The former is discussable; the latter easily turns difference into shame.

My family and I can inhabit different worlds without denying our relationship. After going further, we still need to learn how to explain our life and understand theirs. If experience adds only superiority, not understanding, it instead pushes the nearest people away.

When conflict occurs at home, one sentence easily sums it up: that is just the kind of person they are. Marital problems, parent-child problems, past kindness, and current dissatisfaction then mix together. One matter needing discussion becomes whether this person deserves understanding at all.

The same person can do wrong in one relationship and have taken responsibility in another. The latter cannot erase the former; the former need not automatically explain every action. Separating matters clarifies what needs identifying and handling, rather than washing away anyone’s responsibility.

Children affected by family conflict may express pain and decide how far to participate. They need not reconcile everyone before qualifying to express feelings. Carrying the whole parental relationship often leaves their own life without a place.

Viewing relationships separately allows responsibilities to become clear. Discuss the specific wrong; explain the specific impact. Closeness does not prohibit criticism, and criticism need not negate the whole person. Keeping these separate prevents every argument from putting the entire family on trial again.

When visiting family or someone’s home, advance notice seems small: when we will arrive, how long we will stay, and roughly what is planned. Without it, others must prepare at the last minute and guess what the meeting means.

To me, courtesy first means including others in arrangements. It is neither appearing whenever convenient for ourselves nor making meetings grander to demonstrate importance. Others have their own time, habits, and expectations; advance explanation gives them a chance to prepare and express views.

Courtesy cannot replace everyday relations. A well-arranged meeting does not permit later neglect; little display does not mean disrespect. What matters is respecting actual conditions, fulfilling clarified arrangements, and promptly communicating changes.

Forms can be simple; meaning needs clarity. A well-arranged meeting reduces not all misunderstandings, but avoidable guesswork. Relationships need not always be maintained through money; sometimes one extra explanation means others need not clean up our situation at the last minute.

After the same loss, some resume life quickly while others remember it much later. Observers easily judge by their own experience: so much time has passed, why still be sad? But they did not live the shared time, and the absence is not in their daily life.

Long companionship leaves many small habits. A place, a sound, waiting at a certain time each day: ordinary before, their constant presence becomes clear after loss. What the other person misses is not an abstract identity, but a relationship that truly existed in life.

We need not feel identically to understand their grief. We can listen or sit quietly for a while. Do not rush to compare a greater loss, or use personal equanimity to set their recovery time. An observer is not suited to ranking grief’s weight.

What I face calmly may not be calm for others. Respecting difference requires no identical feeling, only acknowledgment that everyone’s cherished relationships have their own place. Comfort sometimes needs no victory in reasoning, simply not brushing that companionship aside.

Express love through companionship, sharing burdens, guidance, and keeping promises.

Gratitude begins with discovering the good in those nearby, then passing love on through action.

Unraveling troubles strand by strand requires outside help. The most important part of drawing on outside help is learning to listen. Do not pour out all your troubles and thoughts at once, feel relieved, then think it is over after receiving sympathy and refuse to mention it again. Such communication only produces output without gaining anything. Keep listening to others’ analyses and insights: this is where the exchange begins, and it may solve the root problem. Sharing only draws out strands; only after listening and exchanging ideas might you unravel the cocoon.

If you are not good at speaking, smile and listen. Still waters run deep.

Monetary relationships are the most real and reliable interpersonal relationships.

Changing behavior is not control; the key is helping people understand the “positive” intention behind it.

An intention that gives someone more choices is “love”;

An intention that leaves someone one choice is “control.”

If you can help people understand “love,” you can deliver yourself and others, shining brilliantly!

When an acquaintance asks for help, I can find people and introduce resources; the recipient may set aside concerns out of trust in me. The greater the trust, the more carefully I should ask what I actually know. Knowing someone differs from knowing they can do this well.

Some things are hearsay, some seen once, and only some known over time. Calling all of them reliable lends my relationship to an unverified judgment. When things go well, the difference is invisible; when problems occur, the other person bears real losses.

Clearly help where possible: offer information, accompany verification, introduce the parties. But uncertain outcomes should not come with guarantees. When asked about what I do not understand, saying so is more responsible than forcing an answer to preserve a helpful image.

My willingness to contribute does not mean everything can be accomplished through me. Help also gains value by clarifying limits, showing what the other person must still judge. Trust should not reduce verification; it should make the measure of our words more accurate.

When an agreed arrangement suddenly becomes impossible, I usually know the reasons best and easily feel there was no choice. But the other person may have freed time, contacted others, or awaited this step to plan what follows. Genuine reasons do not erase these effects.

Simply saying sorry, I cannot come leaves the change in their hands. They must reschedule, explain, and coordinate while I merely withdraw. A more useful explanation brings possible remedies with the notice: another time, parts still possible, or other feasible choices.

After offering solutions, let the other person confirm. My convenient time may not suit them; a substitute I consider appropriate may not be acceptable. A unilaterally decided remedy merely hands them a new arrangement to absorb.

Do not make another uncertain guarantee to appear responsible. Verify what can be verified and honestly state remaining variables. After changed plans affect trust, a negotiable, executable remedy lets the other decide anew better than repeatedly explaining why the matter was important.

Trust accumulates through repeated predictable actions and can fall rapidly through one breach.

Clear words and explicit boundaries are the starting point of a relationship’s lasting stability.

Please free yourself from personal loyalty:

Many once told me, “Personal loyalty comes first.” I asked what it meant. They said valuing affection and loyalty. I said these are appearances: personal loyalty divides into “small affections and loyalties” and “the greater righteousness of the whole.”

Ordinary people are trapped by personal loyalty. Great achievers transcend “small affections and loyalties” to see “the whole and all beings,” growing a “compassionate heart”: if I do not shoulder this, who will? If I do not enter hell, who will? Free of emotions and desires, they plead for all beings.

A person is a ball on a slope. Uphill lies gratitude, downhill complaint, and the ball cannot remain neutral: either deliberately enter gratitude or unintentionally enter complaint. Negative energy is seven times positive energy. It is not burning bridges or lacking gratitude, but failing to discover deliberately and forgetting inadvertently. Gratitude deliberately discovers how good you are; complaint inadvertently gets used to receiving.

Revere those who stand firm! If you are clear, the world is clean;

If you are simple, the world can hardly become complicated.

If you do not half-resist and half-comply, the world will not become half-black and half-white for you. Some boundaries must be upheld.

The more ground you lose on principles, the more your life falls into ruin.

Life’s greatest change is not the dream you possess, but holding to your decision whatever happens;

Life’s greatest strength is not being encouraged by happiness, but still finding enjoyment while enduring the utmost pain;

Life’s most moving thing is not others’ selfless help, but their sharing life, honor, and disgrace with you while the future’s fortune and success remain unknown;

Life’s greatest thing is not brilliant results, but beginning a pioneering undertaking others consider impossible.

* Greed, anger, delusion, hatred, love, aversion, desire: if you wish to control someone, control what they desire

Do not trouble yourself over other people’s faults. Thank those who betray you; thank those who help you grow. Learn to forgive, to be tolerant, and to let life continually restore itself.

Those who accomplish great undertakings encounter people who “betray” them along the way. You need not become entangled; simply draw lessons about human nature.

Human nature has three needs

First, the need for money

Second, the need for a future

Third, the need for a spiritual world

1. Use distribution to meet people’s need for money

2. Use a great strategic vision and employee advancement to meet people’s need for a future

3. Use a sense of the sacred to meet people’s need for a spiritual world

Standing in the same “position” makes you “one group”; without the same “position,” you are not “one group.”

Those who accomplish great things must free themselves from “personal loyalty,” master “human nature,” grow a compassionate heart, and plead for all beings: if I do not shoulder this, who will? Wholeheartedly help subordinates succeed. However many betrayals, however many times you are shattered, keep this heart unchanged and carry on for twenty years, and you will surely accomplish a great undertaking under heaven.

When your tears run dry, your heart becomes strong.

Life is a process of continually breaking and continually recovering!

Thank those who betray you, because they help you stand more steadily.

Thank those who betray you, because they clear your eyes.

Thank those who betray you, because they help you distinguish day from night.

View this world with a pure heart, and you will surely reap a pure life.

Those who accomplish great things encounter betrayal along the way. The larger the undertaking, the more people betray you; more betrayers signify a larger undertaking.

Those who accomplish great things must withstand blows, betrayal, and great storms. Only then can they possess the success available to a few.

Why say those who accomplish great things encounter betrayal? Because the larger your undertaking, the more people it involves and affects. As the saying goes, “A big forest has every kind of bird.” Not everyone can help you, advise you, or lend you a hand. Learn to see through the ordinary conditions of human life, and face everything—including betrayal—with an even heart.

Life is a process of breaking and restoring. Forgive those who betray you: the greatest beneficiary is actually yourself. The more you keep score, the more you lose; the more you worry about, the more you drop. Look at this world and everyone around you with a grateful heart.

When a woman’s heart forms the intention to help a man succeed, the man’s heart is instantly won over

When a boss’s heart forms the intention to help employees succeed, employees are immediately won over

Businesses introduce marketing, management, forms… These are appearances. Those who play with blades will die by them. The core behind marketing and management is “the first stirring of intention.”

Form the wholehearted intention to deliver employees, and employees are instantly won over;

Form the wholehearted intention to help customers, and customers are instantly won over;

Form the wholehearted intention to free the boss, and the boss is instantly won over;

As long as the first stirring of intention is pure and compassionate, all beings are instantly won over.

Wholeheartedly deliver others, and they deliver you in return

Wholeheartedly love others, and they love you in return

Please stay away from Western teachings of women’s success. Hidden in major direct-selling businesses, they invade China’s five-thousand-year culture of women’s wisdom like a poisonous current.

A girl is simple, real, and above the mundane, finding joy in helping people. After marriage, she centers her husband, encouraging, caring for, and nourishing him, proud of him and admiring him immensely, happy every day.

One day she happens to encounter direct selling and receives many ideas:

“Women must have their own dreams”

“Women should not center their husbands”

“Women without independence have no status”

“Women without independence are bullied by their in-laws”

“Women must build their own independent world”

“Women must build a career”

“Women should live proudly”

“Women should learn to invest in themselves”

“Conviction first, family second, career third”

Please note: what does conviction first mean? Is it not merely a clever way of saying career first?

In other words, career-family-career silently dilutes the word family…

These ideas overturn her former values and become conviction and faith.

From then on she changes, emphasizing appearance and dress, with somewhat heavy makeup, false smiles, and purposeful enthusiasm. Familiar or stranger, everyone is “darling” or “dear.” Formerly she continually gave gifts to those nearby; now she frantically seeks ways to sell them products. Formerly she honored elders; now she complains and finds fault with them. Formerly calls and texts cared for her husband; now there is not one text in two months. Formerly she centered him; now his excellence makes her uncomfortable and jealous. Formerly she admired her husband; now she worships career beliefs. Formerly a woman’s infidelity was unforgivable; now it has reasons and her conscience is calm. Formerly above the mundane, now vulgar rouge and powder reeking of money, single-mindedly pursuing an illusory particular car or glory.

Three years later, she asks her husband for divorce, demanding the new house he borrowed money to buy at her urging, the car he bought, the garage, and IOUs for hundreds of thousands. She also takes the Sanya retirement house he gave his parents, leaving only their small home, a car an employee gave him whose title cannot be transferred, and nearly a million in debt.

Through all this, the child suffers. Is this not destruction for the next generation and several generations after?

However successful such a woman becomes, will she be happy?

According to statistics, divorce rates among China’s direct-selling workers currently rank among the highest, reaching 67% for female direct-selling workers. In other words, few women in direct selling do not divorce. The source of all this is legitimate products wearing the guise of pyramid selling, whose creed is targets and personal success.

“Women’s success teachings” are not bad in themselves, but excessively pursue personal success and targets;

“Women’s wisdom” pursues overall harmony among those nearby: while independent, women nourish children, partners, parents, family, friends, and society, not fixating on “targets” but realizing fundamental “purpose.”

Women deserve the greatest respect! Men are “yang,” the spirit embracing mountains and rivers; women are “yin,” the spirit nourishing all things.

Learning and growth are important

Learning the right things is more important

I strongly recommend the women’s cultivation course Traditional Chinese Culture

Chinese women, keep going!

Keep going for the future of the next generation and generations after!

Giving money is the lesser strategy, giving ability the middle strategy, giving ideas the highest strategy

**Success itself cannot be copied, but its underlying logic is shared**

Western thinking:

Women build careers not for money but for dignity;

Women must be independent; women must not depend on their men;

Husbands cannot be relied on; women must have a world of their own;

Women must blossom, love themselves, realize dreams, prove their value, and spend money dressing themselves up… etc. (money, distrust, selfishness, desire, competitiveness, outward beauty)

Chinese thinking: woman is “earth.” A woman’s greatness lies in how many people she nourishes: children (Mencius’s mother), her husband (Soong Ching-ling: “A woman’s greatest undertaking is igniting her man and nourishing him into an unrivaled hero and a model for the children”), and elders. ~Earth gives birth to all things.

Western success teachings have poisoned the wise Chinese “woman” into a selfish “female,” to save five thousand years of Chinese women’s wisdom

Personal loyalty needs the support of principles; cooperation needs goals, rules, and review.

Facing betrayal, first protect your boundaries, then review the mechanisms, and finally decide whether to continue cooperating.

When relationships are good, much is easily left unsaid. We assume mutual understanding makes it unnecessary to ask who handles what, who may decide what, and who can see which information. But shared intentions do not mean identical understanding. As things proceed, new pressures gradually expose what was left out.

Writing powers and interests clearly lets everyone know where they stand. Who has duties and corresponding room to act; who bears risk and can learn what is happening; who shares in distributions, and on what basis. Discussing these at the beginning may feel awkward; waiting until disagreement emerges often takes more effort.

Rules cannot merely explain cooperation when things run smoothly. Differing opinions, changing roles, or promised resources not arriving all deserve an opening for discussion. Not everything can be written in advance, but we can agree who raises unspecified matters and how they are confirmed, instead of letting the loudest person decide on the spot.

I hope trust makes people more willing to explain, not more afraid to explain. Someone willing to discuss boundaries seriously at least gives the cooperation a chance to endure. Clarity does not automatically remove disagreement, but gives it a place, without repeatedly resolving it by guessing one another’s intentions.

Money is easiest to see because amounts can be recorded, compared, and quickly discussed. Yet accomplishing something also needs people to provide resources, keep working, and bring in relationships accumulated over years. Looking only at initial financial contributions may narrow our view of shared creation too much.

What I want to discuss is how distribution can better reflect real contributions. Different inputs can be rewarded differently; there is no need to force every contribution into the same number. What matters is that participants know which inputs will be recognized and which results connect to their effort, rather than waiting until results appear for others to decide whether their contribution counts.

Recognizing contributions also needs boundaries. Who records and checks them, how overlapping contributions are distinguished, and how short-term achievements and sustained input are understood cannot rest on “everyone knows.” If one side controls evaluation entirely, those whose contributions are hardest to quantify most easily lose the chance to explain themselves.

Fairness need not mean identical treatment, but should allow different contributions to receive justified responses. A rule’s real value depends on whether ordinary participants understand it, can object, and can see predictable connections to their actions. Otherwise, distribution is merely a promise, and collaboration still depends on guesswork and luck.

Two people both saying they want to cooperate does not necessarily mean they envision the same thing. One imagines joint operation, another service provision; one expects long-term involvement, another is prepared only to finish the immediate task. The same word may contain different contributions and different ways of leaving.

When information passes through several people, enthusiasm can amplify these differences. One says there is interest; the next hears an intention; further along, it becomes agreement. Every step looks like progress, while what truly needs confirmation may never reach the parties themselves.

Before cooperation, I think a simple check is worthwhile: what does each person hope to gain, what are they willing to contribute, what has been confirmed so far, and what remains undecided? There is no need for grand language or a rush to prove compatibility. Let differing expectations appear first, so their compatibility can be discussed.

Discovering differences does not mean something is wrong with the relationship. Sometimes it simply means finally moving from imagination to reality. Cooperation that can restate intentions and adjust participation has more room than maintaining superficial agreement throughout. Mutual benefit requires everyone’s separate confirmation; one person’s wishes cannot stamp approval for all.

Wanting to help can easily make refusal feel burdensome. The other person faces difficulties and I see some solutions, so I feel taking the matter on proves goodwill. But who will continue contributing, whether the scope will expand, and whether existing participants agree all require separate answers.

I think goodwill can first appear in pointing out problems, explaining conditions, and offering possible paths. This gives the other person information while preserving my judgment. Help can have different degrees; a conversation need not become endless responsibility, still less a commitment of undiscussed work on behalf of the whole team.

Some requests look like one service but actually contain another kind of ongoing work. If neither party sees this distinction, the more conscientious one may invest increasingly more and later feel wronged. Explaining promptly what I can do and how far I am willing to go is one condition for help to continue.

Refusing an unsuitable arrangement need not also reject the person. We can decline the whole commitment while still explaining the problems we see. A helper with boundaries at least will not create expectations they cannot fulfill merely to appear enthusiastic now. Goodwill should care for the other person while respecting my own and fellow participants’ choices.

When disagreement arises in cooperation, people easily tighten all their previous collaboration. One unresolved issue stops other things too; feeling misunderstood, we want to postpone confirmed duties until the other person gives way. This increases pressure, but not necessarily the basis for solving the problem.

I think we must first clarify exactly where opinions differ. Arrangements involving that part can be checked again; unrelated parts already accepted by both sides still deserve careful fulfillment. Keeping disputes focused on concrete matters gives both sides a chance to continue talking, without turning all cooperation into a contest of victory and defeat.

Of course, some arrangements are interdependent, and cannot be declared unrelated on our own authority. What needs joint confirmation is the original conditions and present changes. Explain the genuinely affected parts and identify what we merely want to withhold from anger; these cannot be vaguely lumped together.

Not having everything figured out does not mean all responsibilities can be delayed. Do what can be done well first; explain specific uncertainties. Maintain your view while leaving others room not to be implicated in unrelated problems. This may not end arguments faster, but can reduce the expansion of disagreement into new harm.

After finding we are not compatible, we often seek a painless way to say so. We say we are busy lately, will see later, or continue accepting care. Softer words may make the other person think a chance remains and keep investing time and emotion.

If I already know the answer, that is what needs expressing. I can be gentle and grateful, but should not describe lack of willingness as temporarily unsuitable conditions. The former tells someone to stop; the latter suggests waiting or trying harder might change things.

If still uncertain, I can honestly say so. But I cannot enjoy someone’s continual giving while keeping every choice to myself. No one can guarantee others will not hurt, but we can at least let them decide on reality rather than deliberately preserved ambiguity.

Everyone is free to like someone, and no one need force themselves to like someone. Clear meaning returns the basis for decision to both sides. Ending expectations hurts for a time; knowingly keeping someone waiting without possibility prolongs that hurt.

Liking someone makes us willing to spend time, find solutions, and shoulder things for them. These contributions are real, but prove our own affection, not directly our compatibility, still less an obligation to respond with equal feeling.

I value mutual affection because mutuality means two people independently willing. Displaying our effort and asking why they are not moved turns affection into a debt. They may agree to avoid disappointing us, but unwillingness does not vanish; it merely remains temporarily unspoken.

This does not make giving unimportant. Once people want to be together, they need mutual care, support, and responsibility; prolonged one-sided effort can justify reconsidering the relationship. But what can be negotiated is how to relate, not a demand, through argument, for a feeling that does not exist.

We can earnestly try and can stop when no response comes. Stopping does not prove previous effort worthless; it acknowledges that one person cannot decide affection. Leave choice to the other person, and the choice to continue investing to yourself.

When someone close wants to do something I consider risky, I worry and want to stop them. The more I care, the easier it is to feel my reasons suffice: I am doing this for you, why insist? But this does not answer why they want to do it.

Concern can begin a warning, but does not directly grant authority to decide for someone. State the risks, where the judgment comes from, and what remains unclear. Also hear what they hope to gain. Without their reasons, it is hard to know whether we discuss the same thing or merely seek relief from our own anxiety.

If it requires my money, time, or shared consequences, I can state my boundaries and decide which parts to join. This is clearer than covertly controlling resources or delaying under another pretext. Discussion cannot ensure agreement, but can locate disagreement in real matters.

Caring sometimes means helping verify, sometimes clearly opposing, sometimes admitting I cannot judge. The key is not making concern proof that the other must obey. If we still disagree after mutual understanding, the relationship truly begins facing disagreement.

When a relationship ends, I may feel everything has been explained and not want to answer later contact. But the other person’s return suggests the matter may not have the same answer for them. A clear personal decision and mutual understanding of what follows are different.

I can explain once more what is decided, what follow-up remains, and whether contact will continue. The point is completing present boundaries, not retrying the entire past or offering new hope to satisfy the other person. If things need handing over, handle practical matters separately from feelings.

Explaining again is not an obligation to explain forever. If clearly expressed boundaries are continually broken, I need to protect my life. An omission, temporary difficulty accepting, and repeated crossing each need different responses; neither silence nor continued chatting solves them all.

I think ending a relationship needs two kinds of clarity: my choice, and the information left for the other person. Complete what I can, and promise nothing I cannot decide for them. Dignity does not mean no sadness; it means no longer trapping each other in vague arrangements.

Wanting others to understand us easily makes introductions increasingly detailed, as if more information makes judgments more accurate. But who sees an introduction and what it is used for matter as much as its length. Information useful to one person need not be open to everyone.

A public introduction can clarify what I do, care about, and welcome discussing. In actual cooperation or personal interaction, explain circumstances relevant to judgment. Private experiences and details need not become files available on demand merely because someone is curious.

Limits on disclosure cannot justify hiding facts affecting others’ decisions. When asking for serious choice, necessary information still needs honest explanation. I can choose to whom and at what stage I speak, but cannot demand responsibility in a relationship while hiding what the other needs to know.

Introductions aim at gradual understanding, not surrendering all of life at once. Deciding beforehand what suits public disclosure and what belongs only in relevant relationships reduces later difficulties of explanation and withdrawal. Letting others know me can be sincere and bounded.

In people-facing work, receiving support makes me want to respond earnestly and avoid seeming cold. But professional gratitude, friendliness, and ongoing exchange do not automatically become a private relationship. Without noticing this distinction, both sides may grow closer with different expectations.

Some want more private details; others expect replies anytime. If uncomfortable but reluctant to refuse because of past support, boundaries gradually shift. The other person may not realize responses are strained and may mistake reluctant acceptance for willingness to continue.

State gratitude clearly and explain the scope of interaction. Respond carefully to work matters, share only as much private information as desired, and return to the original topic when uncomfortable. Keeping choice does not require first making the atmosphere hostile.

Likewise, friendliness should not mislead others into thinking an intimate commitment exists. Support deserves thanks, but gratitude should not be a condition for exchanging private life. Preserving the distinction between work and private interaction helps both know what this connection is doing.

When caring for others, I first consider what is more useful and worthwhile, sometimes making many tradeoffs for them. But one question cannot be skipped: is this what they want, or what I think they should want? The answers can differ greatly.

They may not know about an arrangement I find meaningful; they may have waited long for a gift I find simple. Something I consider better may exceed a family member’s habits and feel troublesome. How much thought I give and whether they receive needed care are different.

Ask directly, or listen seriously to requests already made. First understand whether they value an object, time, companionship, or a sign they are remembered. If it cannot be done for now, explain why; do not declare their need meaningless to prove your thoughtfulness.

Good intentions need not be denied, but need testing against the other person’s life. The needed adjustment may be spending no more money, simply deciding for them one fewer time. Accepting this gives effort a chance to reach where it is needed.

Two people living together develop a division of work. One earns more, another handles more at home; either may be suitable. But a suitable arrangement does not mean the person carrying more always has energy, or the other may stop asking about home entirely.

Family responsibility includes not only visible tasks, but remembering what matters, when arrangements are needed, and who fills gaps when trouble occurs. If one person takes all this on, the other easily thinks home always runs smoothly, forgetting someone continually maintains that smoothness.

Shared responsibility need not mechanically halve every task. Discuss it according to stage, ability, and time, but know whose shoulders hold which pressures, how handovers work when busy, and who can truly let the other rest. Saying “you have worked hard” differs from providing time free from worry.

I hope caring for a family is both people’s work. A busy career can explain absence for a period, but cannot automatically cancel family duties. True division of work should stabilize life and let both retain lives of their own, rather than depend on one person continually filling every gap.

When family needs something, we often try every way to solve it. But with limited money, time, and energy, and several needs at once, one person bearing everything may not truly reassure everyone. Sometimes it only avoids one immediate argument while later pressure grows.

Each person often sees their own part. One worries about living, another feels neglected, while the person carrying things calculates how long they can last. Comparing grievances makes it difficult to place needs on the same realistic ledger; meeting one side’s request may unsettle another.

I think families also need clarity about capacity: what is necessary now, what can wait, what needs joint decision. Stating limits does not announce irresponsibility; it gives responsibility a chance to last. Uncertain arrangements cannot be promised simply to avoid disappointment.

We can understand family needs and admit inability to meet them. If limits stay hidden until emotions become unbearable, everyone remembers only the conflict. Present reality earlier so we can discuss facing it together, rather than constantly proving who deserves more care.